The humour thread - Jokes with a spiritual flavour

:lol:

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Feel free to share any jokes, funny stories here.

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What if this Spiritual awakening stuff is all a hoax and all we do is make our lives more peaceful and joyous?

    “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
    In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet"

    Woody Allen

A man is granted three questions to God;

His first question is `God, how long is a million years?
God replies `To me, it`s about a second.

His second question is `God, how much is a million dollars?
God says, `To me it`s about a penny.
So the clever man asks his third question; God may I have a penny?

God says `Can you wait a second?

Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.

And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.

This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.

Ah … ! What’s happening? it thought.

Er, excuse me, who am I?

Hello?

Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life?

What do I mean by who am I?

Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach.

Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail – yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now – have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?

No.

Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation …

Or is it the wind?

There really is a lot of that now isn’t it?

And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground!

I wonder if it will be friends with me?

And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence.

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.
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This woman came up to me today and said she recognized me from the vegan club.
I was confused, as I'd not seen herbivore.

Sweet, Fiona! Oops, wrong name, at first. You and Lesley must be "close"! I sometimes get confused when shopping for various kinds of leafy greens since they look similar to me. So when I was gazing at my leafy plant friends on the market shelf the other day, I was happy to hear, "Lettuce help you!" Catherine :)

Ha ha. :-)
I think that page might be restricted to administrators!
I'll have to try and fix it.

Open *pleasantry*

One Buddhist monk leaned over to another and quietly asked, "Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

* * * * *

I remember having seen few other clips months ago with this smart girl . It`s absolutely hilarious and so revealing of aspects of the mainstream . She is very skilled at embodying the tone and ways to express those aspects .
Thanks a lot for the great laugh

Okay, I do see myself in this....particulary the "where's my spirulina" and "do you have the chia" :-)

Thanks so much for sharing this. The mirror is appreciated as much as the laughter!

Hi,

Yes it's a great video, I agree Tigger what makes it so funny is that I see myself in so much of it. How funny Jan that she takes the name Moonbeam too!

BTW - has anyone seen my lacuma? *biggrin*

With love and a smile, Fiona

Ever wondered what's the deal with technology?

    "The Lord is my Programmer,
    I shall not crash.
    He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart;
    all of His commands are user-friendly.
    His directory guides me to the right choices
    For His names sake
    Even though I scroll through the problems of life,
    I will fear no bugs, for he is my backup.
    His password protects me.
    He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
    His help is only a keystroke away.
    Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
    And my file will be merged with His and saved forever."
    Rev. Ken Fox

"When I went to school,
they asked me what I wanted to be when
I grow up. I wrote down "happy".
They told me I didn't understand the assignment.
I told them they didn't understand life."
John Lennon

ROFL...I love the lines: "This is unlike other plants that aren't sacred like broccoli," and "it awakes you to an awaken reality that is more awake than what you are awake to now."

This is just what I needed this morning!

love tigger